Cometh Thine Downfall

Honestly, I don't know if the title for this is grammatically correct, but I'm sure you get the gist of what I mean. If you don't know what thine means, that's ok, I don't either. Stupid to use it, I know, and yet, I'm ok with it.
At this moment, I'm unsure of what to feel. I've said time and time again that with Scott, it's complicated. Well, it just got worse. He's in new relationship. I got to find out via facebook. I didn't say anything about it. I just glanced over it and accepted that it happened. I was completely unaware such a thing was a possibility, not that he can't have a girlfriend, but this particular girl, it too was complicated between the two of them. Well, from what I understand. I debate if I should leave what we have this very moment, a friendship, exactly how and what it is. When I first saw it on facebook, my head was calm and cool. My heart was beating harder than normal. The first thing I did was change my status to something calm and somewhat upbeat, but I wanted out. I wanted to turn off my computer and leave. Still though, my head was cool. I didn't turn off my computer because my status was about jumpstarting my creativity, so I decided to start drawing. I found an image online and tried to imitate it. Soon enough, Scott had the gall to IM me(it's how we normally talk, so those of you who can't stand people who are impersonal as such, it's not impersonal to us) that we needed to talk, but in parenthesis, he said not to be afraid. I asked, "What about?" He replied that I should check my facebook. I didn't need to, obviously. I said that I'd seen it. He replied that I shouldn't think anything of it and that all will be revealed.
My mind was still calm, but that should've infuriated me. I despise vagueness. I simply replied "ok," and that was it. I went on drawing and he was probably talking to his new girl. The sad thing about IM is that the emotion doesn't come across so well. I don't know what emotion I was feeling because my head rules over my heart, yet my head was calm, my heart was beating like crazy, I wanted to turn off my computer, but I was still cool as a cucumber. I don't understand what I felt because my mental state, emotional state, physical reaction and conscious actions seem to all contradict.
I don't understand how he can expect me not to think anything of it. When he comes back from his vacation, I suppose I'll ask him to explain it. I have an issue with confrontation and I lack initiative. Still though, I need to be frank with him. I need to know what exactly happened, with no vagueness, with complete details and specifics and I also need him to know that I'm unsure of what to feel. I need him to know that perhaps it's best we stay friends, where the benefits are nonsexual.
I think it's wrong to say you'll do something, and then change your mind or not do it, unless of course you have a credible reason. That's part of the reason I've agreed to have sex with him, because I said I'd like to make out with him and that it's ok that he touch/fondle me during, also that it'd be ok for him to take it farther, if I was comfortable with it of course. That was before any of the real friends with benefits/affair thing was serious though. I say all this because he told me that he wouldn't leave his girlfriend for anyone. Here he is, gallivanting with a new girlfriend. I'm clueless as to what happened, but ironically, I don't feel betrayed. He had one girlfriend, left her for someone else and here I am, just the friends with benefits to be. Or, at least that's how I see it. Scott gave me nothing to aid me in seeing this from his point a view.
Yes, that's why it was complicated with Scott, he had a girlfriend at the time. Now he has a new one.
He's not a player. He believes that one isn't "taken" until they're married. I think that I'm a bit promiscuous so it didn't bother me so much, but this is... I don't even know the word for it. I'm not angry, betrayed. I'm bothered by it, but not annoyed. Unsettled perhaps is the word. I suppose it's because usually he'd talk to me. I suppose he only talks to me about what he's feeling in regards about me. He didn't talk much about his old girlfriend, but because I felt that it was a sore subject, ergo I never brought it up and he hardly ever did. I suppose the openness we have/had with each other meant only how I feel about him and he I, no one else was pertinent. That's how it was in regards of his old girlfriend and I suppose that how it'll be of his new one. I know little of her, less of how their relationship suddenly came to be, other than I'm not supposed to "think anything of it."
I find that I have completely different writing style whilst I'm in a negative mood. It tends to be a bit more elegant, or from my point of view at least. I feel tingling down my back and arms. It's usually what I feel when experiencing emotional turmoil. How dreadful... I still don't know what I feel, other than unsettled.
I'm left at an unease by someone I've always felt a connection with.
I fear all my plans for college may be foiled.
Perhaps 'tis best this way.
I must learn that Scott's life is his own. It will never be truly intertwined with my own because I highly doubt we'd ever marry. I'm not the marrying type, or so I think as of this moment.
He's his own person. I am my own person. I cannot help but cling though. I always hold onto people who make me happy. Could you blame me?
I set here, typing away. I think it's time to break away from Scott. I hope I'm not speaking too soon, but I'll put away my phone, not go on facebook or any program where I can IM. Time to live and let live.
I change my mind. I'm annoyed now. I'm slightly pissed. I should be more passionate than this, but I suppose I'm saving it up for when/if he explains himself to me.