One Eight

17:
10 o'clock curfew, no ID, no driving skills whatsoever, not very happy, but should be at least content, disappointed in family, disappointed in friends, always sitting alone in my room, missing human contact but lacks initiative.
That was yesterday.
Today I turn the big one eight, 18 baby.
And you know what, it's exactly the same as 17.
I feel like crying. Why? Because I'm a whiny brat who always wants more than what she deserves.
I'm eating out with my sister today.
The same thing we do every year.
I don't want to. I don't want to do anything. I'm currently in my "I don't care" depression.
I just want to mope in the solitude of my room and cry.
I hate how American culture makes turning 18 so grand and amazing, because it only makes me sad that my 18th isn't up to par. I'd like to be at least happy.
I went to watch The Last Airbender. By myself. My excuse? I wanted to see a certain showing and it literally ten minutes from starting. It's true. But my reason? I didn't feel like making contact with anyone. A lovely side effect to my "I don't care" depression. No matter how much I want someone to notice my duress, I block off the world only to disappoint myself more. I'm a self-destructive soul.
My sister's here right now. I don't know why she and her family came over. Yeah, it's my birthday, and that's the reason. But I dont' see the point. I dislike her husband. So it only adds to the pointlessness. I don't think she knows that I do though.
^^ That was me about four hours ago.
I'm in a better mood. Still disappointed that I never got that ID. There's no point in being 18 unless you can prove it. Why I didn't get it? My friend decided since that I'm finally going to driver's ed, she wasn't going to take me.
I don't think she realized that she ruined my whole day by doing that. I understand that I'll get my liscence in 3-4 weeks, but today is my birthday, and the only 18th I will ever have.
Another reason I've started to alienate my friends. I'm not honest with how much they hurt me or disappoint me. That's my own fault though. I'm a liar like that.
Anywho, my uncle came over. He lives a few hours away so I don't see him much. I ended up making my own mood better by picking up my 11 month old nephew, taking him to my uncle and telling him that the baby was mine. He was utterly surprised. I couldn't stop laughing. I just needed a good laugh to make everything better.
I still cried afterwards though, due to the disappointment. I'm emotional. I'm on my period. I got to find that out today. How lovely, I got a birthday present from mother nature.
Both sisters, the brother in law that I like and I ended up eating at a somewhat high class Japanese place. I got surprised with a sparkler on a cake. It was awesome.
I hate how I couldn't liven up until the very end. I was sad pretty much all day until about 9 o'clock at night. I cried three or four times. I spent about two or three hours, combined, in a dark room or closet by myself. To mope and wallow in my sorrow.
I really need to be more positive. It's hard to change that about myself. It's like what I breathe is negativity.
In the end, I'd say my birthday was ok. A lot of disappointments, no presents (not to be materialistic or anything, but I hardly ever get presents on my birthday), about $40 bucks, 20 of which for the movie I watched by myself, and a really nice dinner.
I got happy birthday's from the Tricycle. Two of which were pretty much at the same time. So one told the other. One told me to do whatever my heart wishes. I find it ironic she said that while I was sitting in the movie byself. That being alone was my heart's wish. I don't know if I'll tell her now that it's July 3rd and is no longer my birthday. Well... at least in my time zone. Haha.
But that's about it. I suffered depression and ended with laughs and a swig of Johnny Walker, which was utterly unpleasant.