First Post

So... this is the third blog I've made. I've already deleted one and am about to delete the other. I tend to lose interest quickly. Just call me HL or H.L. or Aych Ell or other variations of it haha.
I've called this blog "The Lonely Stalked Stalker" because I think it somewhat describes my current thoughts. I facebook stalk people all the time, though currently, my facebook has been deactivated. Why? Because I find it's easiest for me to get over drama or being hurt by friends to to completely block contact with them.
I had these three friends, they were great, lots of fun. Two of them where guys, one a girl so it was always the four of us. One of the guys worked at a movie theatre so we always watched movies for free almost every week, sometimes more than one movie at once. About two weeks ago, we all went to a neighboring state to spend three days at a teacher's cabin. That's when I finally realized what state our group was in. The four of us had become the three of them. I felt completely left out. When we got back in town, we went to see a movie. My dad got upset because I told him that we'd be home sooner than we had ended up being. We left later than intended. I then promised I'd be home in 30 minutes. The movie ended 20 minutes later. I'd asked my friends to drive me home. The other girl laughed and said she'd never heard me say I'd be in trouble before.
If anyone's reading this, understand that I consider my friends better than me. Harder working, more honest, purer, better than me. Also understand that I do not respect my mother whatsoever. So that's why she'd never heard me say I'd get in trouble. My dad isn't usually home due to his job and since my mother isn't a figure of authority to me, I don't listen to her.
In the end, I got home in an hour. I got a huge lecture about how my friends are bullshit, how he doesn't trust me, fun stuff like that. My dad, despite our opposing views, past drama and heartaches, I still find that what he says truly matters to me. He gave me, a seventeen year old that legally has no curfew, a 10 o'clock curfew, every night, weekend or weekday.
I went to my room and felt utterly upset and depressed. I didn't know if he was right. That my friends didn't care about me as much as I thought they did or if he was wrong to judge them because I've misled them to believe that I don't care about the authority of my parents.
Even if that didn't happen, I'd still be upset because I felt as though I was being squeezed out of my little group of friends. I haven't been happy in a while. I've been letting them affect my mood too much. Even when I deactivated my facebook so I couldn't see that they were still doing things without me. The three of them still hang out without me. I call them The Tricycle. Because of a poem I'd written about them in an attempt to get over my pain. It's called Wheels. It was futile because I'm still allowing them to affect my mood. They still make me sad when I think about them. Perhaps I'm being nostalgic.
Anyways.... back to the subject.... I was talking about why I'd named this blog "The Lonely Stalked Stalker." Oh yeah, I facebook stalk people. I also feel lonely this summer because I hardly talk to anyone. Without facebook, I feel a bit isolated in the world considering I used to be on facebook everyday, all day, of course I'd also be doing other things whilst having the facebook window up. And lastly the stalked part of the title. I'm not really stalked. I joke around with a friend that he watches me sleep at night. That's as close as I get.
I sometimes think that if the right stalker came along, they could totally be my best friend. I have a constant need for feedback, opinions, and to vent. I tend to hold it in because I know people don't need to know everything.
I think that's about it for tonight.
To those who've read, thanks for reading.